1/31/2009

on a break

shuffling in between scheds and still found time to write something. i will be effin busy. so effin busy that i will resemble a human involuntary muscle.

sofuckenlame. officially dead design meat.

posted by b3Rn1cE @ 4:26 PM (0) comments |

1/30/2009

in a moment of weakness

in an instant you feel restless, hormonal and snappy. this is the time when your judgment is as murky as fac.room "mineral" water... you are intolerant of minuscule things and proceed into throwing nasty childish fits... then you realize... you have an EXCUSE to trip (read:be stupid) for the mere purpose that it "might" balance you again... things like...

answering texts from an unforgettable ex.
feeling sick and BECOMING really sick
keeping a secret stash of lucky strikes
eating nothing BUT chocolate for 2 days
purposely forgetting priorities
picking (invisible) fights like an insane beyotch
still answering texts *grrrrrr*
then realizing that it is wrong...and feeling all bummed out
deleting messages
erasing the number
feeling all guilty
getting all effed up and sad

posted by b3Rn1cE @ 2:14 PM (0) comments |

1/29/2009

miracle :)

tanya 6.3 lbs

sleepless nights, monster stretch marks, unglamorous weight gain, excruciating morning sickness, scary hernia, super heavy boobs... and everything that came with her... totally worth it.

posted by b3Rn1cE @ 11:08 AM (0) comments |

1/26/2009

thought of the day

saying "i love you" is not about the words, it is in the timing

posted by b3Rn1cE @ 11:27 PM (0) comments |

the art of growing up

patience has left me ages ago... tolerance somehow got hold of the break-out and resilience went along for the ride . there are instances in life where i have successfully avoided utter embarrassment, illogical reasoning (thats an oxymoron) and stupidity in all forms and shapes but much to my dismay... they have triumphed more than i should have allowed them. i guess i have exerted all my free cuts for using "immaturity" as my go-to excuse for EVERYTHING. maybe im getting *pause for effect* better at "this" (meaning: life) cause i am about to face all the bull i have been avoiding (for years?!).

the good girl with bad habits should probably grow up, make better choices, come up with a sound plan for the future (yup the F word), afford to make mistakes and owe up to them, unlearn to sprint away at the first sign of chaos...

is reckless abandonment a curse? should my hunger for adventure wane in favor of the supposed "age of maturity"?

posted by b3Rn1cE @ 11:06 PM (0) comments |

hormonal

well... i did it (again). i mean, i have outdone myself in terms of knowing more than i should. i could have kept my powers at bay (knowing my capabilities). fingers that have done the searching have, i guess, hit the jackpot.

damage done? i am not exactly sure but the information was tantamount to a folder labeled CLASSIFIED. whaddaheck. its kind of liberating in a way... sortof. this is what happens to people who "challenge" themselves too much. bullcrap. now im cursed with "knowledge" another entry to my trunk of stocked (and lazy) neurons.

i could hack into the pentagon if i wanted to...but i wont. i have to learn to control information overload (much to the dismay of my friends who have trust issues)

so i have got to stare at these (looking at possible combos to unlock the world's mysteries ) and banish all thoughts that lead to (further?!) inquisition. maybe even flick a dirty finger matched with a smug look "are you f*cking mocking me huh?"

posted by b3Rn1cE @ 2:25 PM (0) comments |

when the word "difference" becomes "distance"

after the hyperactivity of the roller coaster of emotions that sent your systems into a record-breaking high, you reach a logical low, the downhill drop that gives you a more sane perspective. only then you realize the "differences" that seem so cute and easy before, now become potential deal breakers on relationship negotiations.

there was a game plan to troubleshoot future "spats", with that in thought, the word "compromise" was born and suddenly brought into the table. so now we have to draw the "let's meet half way" card during the times when nobody wants to bend anything. he even had that parallelism of standing on opposite ends of a ruler. sometimes one steps an inch towards the other, maybe half, or sometimes could go all the way. sounds simple... but stubbornness will make it triply hard for us to achieve such a contingency plan. i guess its worth a try though... goodluck na lang sa akin. the tricky part is WHEN and WHO draws the card.

i always fail in effective communication. i am not confrontational. i buckle during debates so i just keep silent and that bothers the heck out of him. him on the other hand, loves the defense. so what do we get from that? actually just tiresome and stressful exchange of thoughts, reasons and emo-drain. miraculously, things become better and we kindof (emphasis on the KIND OF) have an automatic internal reprogramming. although normally, i am pessimistic regarding the self-help and DIY "steps to a better and healthier relationship" , i got to hand it to myself because i am trying (YES I AM, very very hard) totally worth it actually. so far... i have not messed up badly. (although i am known to outdo myself)

i think we are a feat of nature. the ultimate fusion of diversity. one would think were a miracle (or probably a lethal combustion) waiting to happen. from dreams, to prejudices and beliefs, to plans (or lack of), to strategies... to character... to the "worlds" that have shaped our character. the deeper we become immersed with each other the more differences define us (hopefully not divide us).

posted by b3Rn1cE @ 9:39 AM (0) comments |

1/21/2009

random awesomeness

random facts about me, therefore making this blog more ID-ific for the benefit of the lowlife (meaning the person who has been googling this site) who stalks boring ol' me.

i text on one phone and call on the other
i eat hershey's kisses like i survive on them and wrap the foil wrapper (with the wax tag) into a big silver (gold) ball that is proof to the fact i finished the whole friggin' bag
i like movies,yeeea even the bad ones
i dont usually share chocolate...(well except now...must be love)
i have photosensitive iris/es?! (meaning im like a vampire, cant stand the sun or bright lights)
nobody calls me lucila
my moto ringtones are "bebot" by bep; "gimme more" by britney and "satisfaction" by benni benasi
my sony ericsson ringtones are "boyfriend kong baduy" by cinderella and "womanizer" by it's britney, bitch!
if i get stuck alone for a weel i could survive on cereal and kfc's gravy
i loveSSSSS chicken...the dead and edible ones (kfc original, chickenjoy, max's, BALIWAG forever and sr.peds)
my childhood dream is to become a conductor (thinking it was another term for "scientist")
i dont make many future plans or career goals
my bag is heavy (according to people who actually tried to carry, move and accidentally knock it off)
my phone wall papers are *blush* coupled pictures on times when i am not hormonally beserk
probably the most fashionable thing i own is my 25-year old joe salazar gown (wore it when i was the two-year old flower girl in a chi chi wedding)
on my right pointer finger is my lola's wedding ring. its a white gold band with 5 miniscule badly cut diamonds (symbolizes years and years of love and struggle, its actually a reminder of my right to choose who to love and to stick by my decision)
i sleep on the left side of the bed.
my night stand has a lamp, 2 magazines, my chargers and a framed charcoal of the "twilight shepherd"
i could go lesbian for ellen de generes. totally. (and maybe for aiza seguerra too)
shhhh i like goin' domestic on you-know-who (the apron wearing with the 50's hairstyle...the works!)
my dress size is 6
my shoe size 6 or 6 1/2
i lie about my height (the heels can decieve)
my laptop holds my secrets
i get siling labuyo red when im piss ass drunk
whenever i feel hormonal...i get nasty
i learned that saying "i love you" is overrated (so when i say it i really mean it)
i dont regret things, i just pause, bail and move on
my bed is gorgeous! (ebony, four poster, queen sized and with a thick mattress)
even if they think im overconfident...i have stage fright
snakes scare me
i only learned to eat pink salted egg maybe a couple of years back and now im ADDICTEDDDD!!
i usually do stupid yet sweet things for love
i like giving surprises
i like having the shock factor
life for me should be adventurous
travel is one of my few luxuries
food is another (good good good food)
give me chocolate and i will be nice to you
feed me rice plus super sarap na ulam without judgement if i eat a lot and i will love you for life
i can run in high heels. seriously. i can even sprint!
i dont own a tube of lipstick. (my choice)
am a lotion addict
the best beauty inventions are: chapstick, johnson & johnson's milk bath, eyelash curlers and bench's pretty when pinched
i like koalas now :)
my hair is naturally brown
beyonce rocks!
i have 2 tubs of petroleum jelly
i am missing...
cant think of anything to write :)

posted by b3Rn1cE @ 5:50 PM (2) comments |

hee-haw

my life has been having constant spasmic attacks for the past few days, i dunno if the series of events were wished to life by my hormonal imbalance or probably the yo-yo philippine temp (cold-hot-boiling-freezing). so what happened to me?

i have had the privilege of being warden to the 18-ish college exams. fucken boring. added to my already mongolodial state, i wasnt at all amused as i normally was. i used to love watching students "try" to put their game faces during exams. some look hilariously constipated though and theyre the funniest to watch (disturbing sometimes). its really sensational how we all have our own tales of "proctorship" from the pathetic late excuses, to the super yabang aholes who pump their fists "YES!" as if naman alam nila tunay na sagot to the people who look blank (literally slash figuratively) AND hopeless. i have actually diagnosed them as right-answer-anemics.

taking the "relationship" with you-know-who to a higher level meant more perks AND obstacles wait...am i referring to "it" as an actual relationship now? isnt that branding? ohwell who gives a shit anyway. were great where we are. i am just lucky he still sticks by me whenever i have this retardation attack. we have had spats before, true to his logical, sane nature...he has managed to keep spats as...well... JUST spats. small-one-minute-arguments that are miraculously solved with good food, eyelash batting (he has hazel eyes and really long lashes that i envy) and the disarming smile (yes..THAT smile) that freezes everything to a ceasefire, then we come home happy shiny people once again like nothings wrong with this sordid world. that was until...we realized we were just as susceptible to worse fights and emotionally imbalanced arguments (that cannot be solved with good food or eyelash batting) as any other "couple". im just glad that even if we had the makings of a high-profile-chismis-prone-in-a-relationship-status (that would drive bored and nosy people insane) he has chosen to go with my way of making things simple and private. less people involved, less opinions, less problems. but crazy things happen. a routine spat went beyond the spat rules and has blown into a real argument and even matured into an i-am-pissed-off-i-cant-sleep-cause-this-is-fucking-us-up moment. of course the situation was really brewing a potentially nasty emo-explosion. started with talking over the phone with the i-am-not-in-the-mood-for-your-combative-overstressed-point, to his evidently pissed off tone when i blatantly said that "this is a pointless argument", to the tired and uninterested voice, lack of sensitivity...to the hyperlevel of combative statements...to intolerance...the "ewan" and "bahala ka" drops in monotone... to the texts that were cryptic and the answers that followed. we ended the phone conversation with an awkward pause...i recalled him saying that he missed me and i just clicked the end-call button like i was retardedly deaf or something that made me a notch more inconsiderate and abnormal (than the usual). didnt get to sleep right, i was awake watching darkness (how sad is that?) and from the "balik-tanaw" relationship troubleshoot we had, he didnt get enough either. he was the type to step up and become the mature person who sees the whole picture as what it was, an overblown overplayed spat. me? i am the crazy one, i choose to stay quiet and become emotionally ruined. i glad he is who he is, and apparently he is glad i am who i am too (whatever that meant). i should someday find myself deserving of him.

after good food, eyelash batting...the smile... the head-on-shoulder moment, a bad piolo-angel movie... everything is right in the world again.

this is it. and it is the best. imperfect but the best.

Labels: in a relationship-itis

posted by b3Rn1cE @ 4:08 PM (0) comments |